Ron and Hermione 4ever Maybe
by Canon is dead long live fanfic
Summary: A Ron Hermione story with a difference. Includes suicide and fortunately non detailed RonDraco slash. It's crap.


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

BTW, this is the third time I've posted this piece of crap and only now have I managed to get the fucking disclaimer on. Stupid disclaimers.

Enjoy. Or not. I don't really care. Review if you want. I do realise this is shit.

---------------------------------------------------

Hello, my name is Hermione. Better known as JK Rowling by the end of the 4th book it became blatantly clear I was better suited to be with Harry, unfortunately JK Rowling hates herself and by logical extension me, so instead of ending up with someone worthy of me (Harry, Neville, Fleur etc) I'm going to be paired up with that red haired piece of shit producing fuckloads of weasleys till he runs of with a quidditch groupie 10 years younger than him.

Hello, my name is Ronald. I'm a whiny, self involved, bitchy, jealous, moronic piece of shit. In six books the only useful thing I've done is play a game of chess against a bunch of inanimate objects. I've betrayed both of my supposed friends repeatedly and am jealous both of them, all my brothers, draco oh and my sister. I couldn't find a g-spot with both hands and atlas, fortunately for Hermione I am a Weasley so any girl that comes within two feet of my penis immediately becomes impregnated.

Hi, it's Hermione again. Now that I see my future is with Ron death is looking a whole lot more attractive, hopefully my death will aid Harry in some way. It's the least I could do.

Hi, I'm Harry Potter, for the first 4 books my life was going swimmingly. It was going to be me and Hermione because she is the only one who has ever seen me as me just Harry, not the boy-who-lived or any of that shit. Unfortunately heroes don't fall for JK Rowling…err Hermione so she's been feeding my drugs which make me always angry (5th and 6th books), develop feelings for stupid hero worship red heads and ignore Hermione's advice which directly leads to the death of my godfather and nearly gets her killed.

Hi, it's me. Ron. When I'm shagging Hermione I will be happy, I will have finally beaten Harry to something, maybe it will make me less insecure. I doubt it. I'll probably groan out his name when I climax.

It's me Hermione…please kill me.

Hi it's me, Neville. I am brave, intelligent, kind, considerate and a far more interesting character than Ron. During the 5th book people where hoping that I'd supplant that Red Haired piece of shit, but unfortunately JK Rowling has some kind of weird fixation and dumped me into the background. I have always had a crush on Hermione, but unfortunately JK Rowling hates her. I'll be there to pick up the pieces after he runs off with the groupie. I will look after his kids as my own and everything will be beautiful.

Hi people call me loony. I have infinite patience and tolerance of others which makes me the perfect match for Ronald. However due to a conspiracy involving Hobbits, the egg commission and the dust bunnies he's is to be given Hermione. However he is a bit of klutz when it comes to her and will only break her heart.

Hi, I'm Draco the main protagonist, people see me as the sex god of slytherin, when in fact I am nothing more than a self involved, mediocre, nasty, jealous, repetitive (6 years of the word mud blood) piece of shit. I have a crush on one of the 'Golden Trio', which judging by our Ron/Hermione relationship guide (you love the person who pisses you off the most) means I'll be announcing my engagement with the Weasel any day now.

Hi, I'm Ginny Weasley. I've always loved Harry Potter. From the moment I first met him. He's finally noticed me, due to JK Rowlings drugs. However he then promptly dumped me for no reason, which is OK because he is perfect and can do no wrong. Instead of chasing after him and knocking some sense into him, I will wait for him to come back to me because that is his destiny. To be with me. Hopefully Hermione will be killed so she won't have to suffer marriage with that prat I call my brother. Plus she won't be there being effortlessly superior to me in front of Harry, up until the end of their 4th year everyone knew it was their destiny to be together, but for some reason JK Rowling has decided to piss of all her most loyal fans and completely ruin the series with 2 completely shit contrived romances. Hey, I'm not complaining. I get my Hero.

Hi, it's me Harry. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE HERO. I AM SICK OF BEING THE BOY WHO LIVED. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO OBSESS OVER AND LEAVE ME AND HERMIONE IN PEACE.

JK Rowling: Time for your medication.

Harry: No! Stay away from me you crazy lady. Or at least promise me you won't give Hermione to that Red Haired fool.

JK Rowling: If I don't give Hermione to Ron you will happily be with Ginny?

Harry: I suppose so…anything for Hermione.

JK Rowling: YOU DON'T MEAN THAT! THE HERO COULD NEVER FALL I LOVE WITH ME!

Hermione: Oh my goodness I appear to have gained control of my character. Quick Harry lets elope.

Ginny: No! Ron do something.

Ron: I am!

Ginny: No! Not Draco. About Hermione and Harry.

Draco: Harder Weasel Harder.

Ron: Don't grunt call grunt me grunt WEASEL ugh

Draco: Whatever you say, weasel.

Ginny: Oh no! The love of my life has rode off into the sunset with the perfect girl for him. I might as well just kill myself.

Draco: Here's a gun.

Ginny: On second thoughts…

Draco: It only has one bullet.

Ginny: Dammit! Ah well. Shoots herself

Ron: Oh no. What a tragedy. Wanna fuck in a different room?

Draco: Sure I'll get a house elf to clean up the mess.

Ron: I'm only fucking you for your money.

Draco: Well I'm certainly not fucking you for your money.

Ron: Why are you fucking me?

Draco: I stole the drugs JK was giving Hermione.

Ron: Oh…ok.

THE END. If there every was a beginning.


End file.
